Monday, March 14, 2005

SWOT analysis of a girlfriend

This blog is targetted especially at my wingmates, who suffer from gyaencomania(fear of girls).
The question that is being raised is : Do we really need a girl(friend)?
There are related questions, such as are we capable/qualified/bold enough to have a gf? Why do we feel we need one? Why will a girl ever come with us? Is it a sexual question only? or do we really need a female companion in our fuckingly boring "man"ual life? After all, why are we FRUSTATED over this issue? Hey, wingmates, be with me on this issue atleast :)
Frankly, these questions haunt us whenever I think abt having a female (24*7*365*22 days)!!
So, let us do some SWOT analysis of why female is integral to man's survival.
1. She is "she". Isn't that enough? Aren't you bored after living with dirty, hard, harsh and intelligent males for 15 years ? You need a change yaar!!
2. There is a POSSIBILITY of mental, spiritual, sensual, and in rarest of the rare cases, physical pleasure. Although, financial dissatisfaction may be on the cards :(
3. Yours pride, neighbour's envy...Hahahahaha...feel like laughing like ramanand sagar's rakshasa. Bakaitti at its ultimate !!
Personality development: Just adds on another flower in our bouqette of personality ....
5. May be understand the architecture of GH too !!
6. May be girls are good buddies, who are always there when you need them (maybe not all the places :)).

Can't see any more benefits?
Now, comes the cost involved, and believe me its a huge list. Special thanks to all the bulla of 4 years that has helped me to compile me this.
1. Wing mein booking. For others, its pretty bad to be target of 18 other guys after 12 in the night. Till then you can be safe with ur gf though :)
2. Loss of independence: Are tum kahan jaa rahe ho? Tum usko kyun dekh rahe ho? Aaj tumne shave kyun nahin ki (remember, guys!!)? tum shaam ko kahan the ?? Save me God!!
Our "type" of sense of humor is at risk. Tumhari writing kitni gandi hai, ha ha ha. Woh dekho usne kaisi jeans pehen rakhi hai, ha ha ha ha!! Some girlish jokes I have ear dropped. Come on yaar, give me a break!!
4. Our "esteem" , naak nichi nahin honi chahiye bhai.
5. Financial burden. Canteenwalah doesn't know my room no till now !!
6. Endless chutiyaaps . Valentine day, b'day, treat, movie, long chats, ruthna, mananaa .......
7. Most importantly, you will end up spending less time with ur friends.
8. Lastly, why the damn are we ruining the life of the silly girl !!

So, we see, costs dominate benefits. Then what, still we wish we had gfs. Why??
We don't need a companion, our frnd circle is excellent, we care for each other, spend time together... then what??
Is it just being the "one" to "achieve" that, or mere "testing" ourselves at a foreign pitch, or is it just lust?? I guess, a nice recipe of all these factors.
Finally, what r the choices we have? (btw, do we really have a choice? umm, topic for my next blog....)
1. Say ALOUD we don't need a girlfriend. ..........and wait for your parents to come into action!!
2. Say ALOUD I am looking for a girlfriend. Fuck your blog, mr. Pankaj
3. Well, I am still doing the analysis.........................essentially, I dont need one.

Now, my answer would be 2 & 3, which combine together to say this:
"I am the biggest FATTU" ever to live on the earth.
Choose your choice. The question is open till you get married...


tanvir said...

first of all what is the full form of SWOT

Before taking up the things discussed by you i would just like to change the question a bit ... do we need a girlfriend or do we need a female friend ???

some definitions :

Female friend : She's just like ur other friends ... but is a female ( though such a concept is difficult to comprehend if uve seen HUM TUM)

Girlfriend : Ummm .. senti type term ... ladki jo dost hai .. ladki zyada .. dost kam
( mostly involves the sexual angle also)

khair ... i'll put up the question as.... DO WE NEED A GIRLFRIEND ???

In a place like IIT ... where the sex ratio is 20:1 ... guys having GF's do become the cynosure of all eyes ... Girls ka interest : dekhen to ki uska BF kaisa hai / mere se better hai and stuff
Boys ka interest : saala usme aisa kya hai jo ladki pata li ...

CHUTIAAPS: to add to the kind of chutiaps that come with girls .... beautiful girls just can stand other beaitiful girls .. agar koi ladki sunder hai --all will say ..." character ki bahut kharaab hai ... egoistic hai .. what attitude " and stuff ...

By god .. girls discuss such stupid things and make such wierd comments... that sometimes u feel like saying .. Memsahab ab jaane do mujhe yahaan se

They are never satisfied with what they have ... agar kisi aur ladki ka BF uske liye phool laaya .. to mera kyun nahi laaya
if he stays with her till 3:00 to mera bhi rahe ....
they have so many questions : tumne ye kyun kiya .... ye kyun nahi kiya .. aisa kyun kaha ..ufff

MONEY : bhaiya GF hai to lut gaye .. i know of guys in my own wing who have happily spent Rs. 800
for a single date ( plzz dont comment on this .. else i'll be killed)

1. when u r in a bad mood .... girls are the best ppl to talk to .
2. They're different ....
3. itni "MAN"ual life mein thoda to kuchh alag ho .

IF a girl is quiet : Lots of things are going thru her mind
IF the looks towards you with her eyes wide open : She's wondering ye itna phek kyun raha hai
IF she puts up a question to you who's subject is some unknown person : She wants to ask u the same ques indirectly
IF she says ure my best friend : Dont believe her ... most probably kat raha hai

MY CONCLUSION : i'm okay with a female freind .. but still the thing is .. ki main bhi tumhari tarah FATTU hoon ... baat karne mein haalat kharaab ho jaati hai

Nandz said...

Tanvir: SWOT = Strength Weakness Opportunity Threat


Anonymous said...

Hey cool analysis of gf.
Well u boys r so much happy wid gfs comes to know frm ur article.
But do u thnk tht only guls r like this n not the boys.
well acording to me no need to fight, coz male n female r like two part of a coin n the coin is life ........
they both r incomplete without eachother..............they both need eachother.
I cannot get y u guys thnk tht uall r so grt tht u thnk on a question like uall need a gulfrd or not
but the ans given by tanvir is rite , uall dont need a gf uall need a female frd.......
A very imp thing I would like to tell is tht u need a female at every stage of ur life.
C I will xplain u how,,,,,
when u r a child, u need a mother
when u go school, u need a sister
when u r teenage,u need a gf
when u r adult , u need a wife
so u need a female in every stage of ur age.

ryani said...

Hey cool analysis of gf.
Well u boys r so much happy wid gfs comes to know frm ur article.
But do u thnk tht only guls r like this n n ot the boys.
well acording to me no need to fight, coz male n female r like two part of a coin n the coin is life ........
they both r incomplete without eachother..............

Manzil Kohli said...

hee hee, let the end sems get over and then u'll see my gyaan on the self proclaimed superior sex (that's females..)
Miss Jain, i'm sorry to say but its not the guys but the ladies who consider themselves as superior and us guys as lesser mortals!!..
await details and debates...
thanks in advance...

Manzil kohli
Call me now and always ;)

shivesh ranjan said...

pango baby bahut hi eye opening article tha yeh.. par yaar we are fuckin 22 now.. marriagable age for crying out loud.. and yet we have to resort to self abuse daily to satiate our manly needs.. 22 fucking years and now i feel like everything around me is mocking my virginity.. the shirt i wear is a fuckin virgin shirt.. everyday i slip on my virgin trousers on my virgin legs.. i am sooo friggin sick of it.. i need a gurl.. i need a gawd damned cunt where i can stick in.. not saying it needs to be a gurl friend.. ur cost benefit analysis of a girlfriend has made me realize that happy times with girl friends are just myth.. or at least the cost you pay is not worth it..

so.. friends, comrades we shud all take this pledge that we will never make girl friends.. however i understand how sickening this bloody tag of virginity is.. so i would like to remind you of one of the greatest creations of god - whores.. yes, comrades we all need to get some super duper hot sluts and get rid of this dumb tag once and for all..

cost/benefit analysis:
cost: a very nominal fee for the service they provide. and with the lights out it hardly makes any difference between a mehngi raand and a sasti raand..
cost: risk of aids.. aah dont lose hope my friends, god has also made condoms..

benefits: plain good sex with no strings attached
benefits: at your every beck and call
benefits: new girl everytime
benefits: can try all perversions and live out ur fantacies by shedding a few extra bucks

what say you my friends - gfs or randis.. no competition i know ;)..hee hee..

Nitin said...


Happened upon this page after trying to find Tanu (Shivesh) 's blog in google (thats right baby...)

There's nothing (almost) that Pankaj hasn't already said about girlfriends quite succinctly. I'll just reaffirm the wisdom of the words:

"Ladki woh aam hai, ki jisne khaya woh pachtaya aur jisne nahin kaya woh pachtaya. Par jisne nahin khaya woh zyaada pachtaya."

As someone who has had both kinds of relationship with girls - the platonic and noh so not one, i'll say this: Girls who are friends add flavor to one's life. But girlfriends add a cheery on top of it.

No pun intended, of course !

Tee hee. Laterz guys.